kt's new bedtime routine

Over the last year or so Kt's bedtime routine has become more elaborate.

We used to just read her two picture books and then be finished by about 8.30 or 9pm.

Then I introduced her to bigger chapter books and during the end of year school holidays started reading her two chapters instead.

Some of the books had fairly long chapters and would it would take 45 min to 1 hour to read the two chapters.

When uni read to her he would only read one chapter, but then allow her to read for a while to herself and then let her switch the light off when she was finished.

She did this happily for a while and then started to get scared and want one of us to switch the light off for her ... and then sometimes wanted us (usually me) to stay with her because she was scared of the dark or of being alone in the dark.

Once we got back to school days Kt still wanted to continue and while I was pregnant and not really able to play very much I figured that reading to her was an acceptable alternative.

I also used to stay in her room after stories were finished (sometimes after I had read stories or after uni had) and lie on the bed and let her put her feet on my belly and feel RJ kick.

Because I was pregnant and sleepy I often used to fall asleep before she did and my snoring would keep her awake and she would eventually send me off to my own room. LOL!!

Now that we have both kids though it is really difficult for me to read to her for such a long time and then stay in her room with her until she falls asleep.

I was bringing my laptop into her room and reading up on blogs until she fell asleep, but then I would continue long after she slept, instead of getting on with other chores or catching up on my sleep.

So the bedtime ritual was stretching to 1 and a half hours. Often as soon as I finished with Kt, Rj would wake up and need his feed ... and there would go another 1 hour leaving me working on cleaning up the kitchen and making school lunches at 10.30pm or later.

This was frustrating when all I wanted to do was go to sleep.

Uni and I discussed the situation and we came up with a plan for school nights.

We would be firm on 8pm teeth cleaning time. Then there would be time for some story reading from us and some time for kt to read herself stories before lights get turned off at 9pm.

So for example we might read for 30 minutes and let kt read to herself for the other 30 minutes.

At 9pm the light goes off and we say goodnight and have a final chat for a few minutes.

If Kt is scared we can stay with her for 5 minutes. If she tries to argue or negotiate (both of which she is really good at) then we do not get involved and we repeat that tonight is a school night and she has to go to bed on time. I have to go and have a shower or clean the kitchen or make lunches or whatever and I will come back and check on her after that.

Or if I am ironing in the lounge room I can say that she can come and find me if she needs me ... but that she will be able to see the light and hear the TV and know she is not alone.

The first night I tried this I took her by surprise. There was a bit of a fuss kicked up at each stage ... particularly when I would not stay in her room ... but I switched on the TV and did my ironing and she fell asleep.

the next night the only hiccup was again when I went to leave... but I told her that I had to have a shower and that I would check on her when I got out. If she was awake I would come in and give her a kiss and if she was asleep I would come in and give her a much quieter gentle kiss.

She curled herself up in a ball and cried a bit ... although It was more complaint crying than hurt or scared crying.

When I came out of the shower to check on her I was shocked and very pleased to find her fast asleep!!

The third night there was no fuss or argument or attempts at negotiation at all ... and when I came to turn off the light at 9pm she was tucked up in bed finished her stories and waiting for me!!!

Unfortunately tonight was not a school night so we allowed her to read stories to herself for as long as she wanted and there was a bit of attempted negotiation and I had to stay with her for 5 minutes ... but I left before she fell asleep and she didn't protest so I believe that all in all things were successful.

I will admit I am looking forward again to the next school night when I can be completely firm and not negotiate at all.

It feels good to not constantly cave in ... OK you can have another one, this one is the last one, OK one more but that has to be the last one etc etc.

Uni was right in that although she is clever and a great negotiator, she does seem to feel more secure when there are firm guidelines and rules.

And it is easier for me to stick with a plan if it is firmly established and well thought out in advance