first chance at the computer for a few days

Any minute now I know I will hear a baby cry ... but I want to say a few things.

This week uni is on afternoon shift and I am tackling a baby, school pickup, dinner (reheating what uni has precooked for us), showers, homework, bedtimes stories, 4 hourly breastfeeds and preparations for the next day.

When I go to bed at night at approx 9.30pm (earlier if I can manage it) kt's lunch for the next day, my breakfast and kt's breakfast is prepared and waiting in the fridge.

My clothes for the next day are hanging over my bedroom door handle. Kt's uniform, underwear, socks and shoes for the next day are in her room ready to be put on.

Mr Bump wakes up every 4 hours at night ... almost on the dot. Sometimes he feeds for 1 hour and settles back to bed ... leaving me approx 3 hours of sleep til the next feed ... but other times he is unsettled, burps, digests, poos and wees and the feed takes more like 2 hours.

If I can't get him relaxed within 2 hours it means he really is ready for bed and just wants to be put down quietly and calmly to fall asleep on his own.

He is a wonderful little guy and I am really getting to know him quickly. For the most part he is peaceful, calm and easygoing ... but when he is hungry you do not want to make him wait! He has big lungs and a loud voice and is not afraid to use them!!!

He loves bath time and he has short periods of alertness and wakefulness. He loves looking at the patterns on our armchairs and couch. He loves Kt's artworks up on the wall.

He reminds me very much of Kt as a baby ... and I am still sleep deprived enough that I sometimes refer to him as a her ... or go to automatically say to kt ... "good job little guy".

I also get kt confused with aunty Issie ... but I believe I will get everyone identified and correctly addressed sooner or later LOL!!!

Kt and I are renegotiating our relationship.

We had a great weekend together while uni was at work and I tried to spend time doing fun things with her while bub was asleep. When he was feeding we watched tv together or she played outside.

I have discovered that there is no point in me trying to be like uni ... because I am a poor substitute for him ... but there are plenty of things Kt and I can do together that she likes. eg baking, going to the library, feeding the ducks, going shopping.

While he was on "maternity leave" uni taught kt to ride her bike without training wheels and took her out for energetic walks with the dog, bike rides or scooter rides every day.

I don't think I can handle walking the dog, pushing the pram and taking kt for a bike ride/scooter ride all at the same time.

But perhaps I can take just kt and the pram out or the pram and the dog out while kt is at school ... will see how I feel as the weeks progress.

I ran into trouble last night when I tried to get kt to have a shower before doing her homework. I was trying to get all the jobs that she needs my help for, done before R woke up. I expected her to be flexible and just do what I wanted her to do when I wanted her to do it.

I forgot that neither of us is really flexible and that usually I allow kt plenty of say in when and what she does.

Not surprisingly we butted heads, there were tears from her and I got cross!

I managed to salvage the situation (while changing a nappy no less!) once I realized that perhaps I should not be expecting her to be flexible ... perhaps I was the one that needed to be flexible.

Perhaps what she really needs right now is a rock solid routine that she can count on ... since so much in her life has changed.

I on the other hand will be far from a rock solid routine for a few years to come and might be better placed to learn how to be flexible.

Luckily uni is pretty flexible and I have had the advantage of being able to observe him looking after kt for the last 3 weeks and being patient, flexible and calm... so I will try to take a leaf out of his book.

To sum up this very long post.

I am very happy to have had this baby ... I only wish he had come along a bit sooner.

I am coping really well, not feeling depressed or unhappy, and feeling much more confident in my abilities as a mum.

I am learning to be flexible and I fully appreciate all that uni has been doing to help (more on him in another post).

I still have work to do getting things running smoothly with Kt. I have to try and listen to her more and try and understand what is going on in her head. She is so clever and so verbal, but she doesn't fully grasp a lot of things, and is very hard to get her to listen to or fully understand certain concepts.

She is also very emotional at the moment ... although the tears are diminishing each day ...